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The Noise of Strangers
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Welcome to another Thursday UNFILTERED blog post, the only blog that thinks
3 a.m. feels more like the middle of the night than midnight does. And
while we...
1 day ago
Monday, February 16, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
When to cut 'em off
How do you know when to quit pursuing a professional ministry relationship that is not moving forward? What do you do when you have a volunteer or (in my case) a student in ministry who is not where they need to be? How do I know when to keep pursuing them and when to move on?
For me, it comes down to 3 things. These things are in escalating order of importance. In other words, number three is more important than number one.
1) Your bandwidth
The amount of available time and energy that you have to invest in this person definitely comes into play. If you're out of energy, this really limits the amount of time you have to invest in unmotivated people. However, if you have spare time on your hands, then go for it, even if they're tough.
2) The person's value to you personally or the organization
For the organization, value is equal to the amount of leadership potential. To quantify leadership potential, read John Maxwell. Ask yourself, "is this a person that people naturally look to for decisions." If so, more effort is warranted than if the answer is negative. I use the calibrated gut to put people into a 1-5 (5 being great potential) grid of possible influence on others.
3) The teachability of the person
This is the most important issue. I want to spend the majority of my time with people who are teachable. If a person has a leadership potential of a 5 but 0 teachability, I pass them by. However, if there is any teachable attitude present, they would be well worth the effort. I would give a 5 LP 1 Teachable much more effort than a 3 with the same teachability. However, I would invest in a 3LP who was teachable over a 5LP any day!
No matter who they are, all people matter. Therefore, attitude counts. What you say is as important as how you say it. Give them the love sandwich (meaty truth sandwiched in between two pieces of affirmation). Give them every piece of information and available opportunity to become the type of person they need to be and show themselves teachable. Of course this assumes that we are being teachable ourselves. As such, we should remember that with every relationship there is something to be learned.
For me, it comes down to 3 things. These things are in escalating order of importance. In other words, number three is more important than number one.
1) Your bandwidth
The amount of available time and energy that you have to invest in this person definitely comes into play. If you're out of energy, this really limits the amount of time you have to invest in unmotivated people. However, if you have spare time on your hands, then go for it, even if they're tough.
2) The person's value to you personally or the organization
For the organization, value is equal to the amount of leadership potential. To quantify leadership potential, read John Maxwell. Ask yourself, "is this a person that people naturally look to for decisions." If so, more effort is warranted than if the answer is negative. I use the calibrated gut to put people into a 1-5 (5 being great potential) grid of possible influence on others.
3) The teachability of the person
This is the most important issue. I want to spend the majority of my time with people who are teachable. If a person has a leadership potential of a 5 but 0 teachability, I pass them by. However, if there is any teachable attitude present, they would be well worth the effort. I would give a 5 LP 1 Teachable much more effort than a 3 with the same teachability. However, I would invest in a 3LP who was teachable over a 5LP any day!
No matter who they are, all people matter. Therefore, attitude counts. What you say is as important as how you say it. Give them the love sandwich (meaty truth sandwiched in between two pieces of affirmation). Give them every piece of information and available opportunity to become the type of person they need to be and show themselves teachable. Of course this assumes that we are being teachable ourselves. As such, we should remember that with every relationship there is something to be learned.
Anyone can Criticize; Leaders make Solutions
It really doesn't take that much intellect or effort to notice that things are messed up. It's almost like saying that the sky is blue. Of course, things are not as good as they could be, whether we're talking about the world at large, our organizations, our families, or ourselves. I can think of at least a dozen things wrong with each. Almost all of us could.
A better way is needed. I tell our leaders that when it comes to evaluations, we need to hold our tongues until we are ready to propose and be a part of a solution. I will not hear a complaint without a proposed plan for solving the problem. This does two things. First, it keeps the gossip and rumor mill shut down. If everyone knows that complaints without solutions fall on deaf ears then pretty soon, they quit griping or leave. Second, it fosters forward movement. Criticism without remedies breeds negativity and regress. On the other hand, people who are accustomed to thinking in terms of solutions are difference makers, have ownership in the organization and have a positive attitude. These are all things are highly preferable to the alternative!
A better way is needed. I tell our leaders that when it comes to evaluations, we need to hold our tongues until we are ready to propose and be a part of a solution. I will not hear a complaint without a proposed plan for solving the problem. This does two things. First, it keeps the gossip and rumor mill shut down. If everyone knows that complaints without solutions fall on deaf ears then pretty soon, they quit griping or leave. Second, it fosters forward movement. Criticism without remedies breeds negativity and regress. On the other hand, people who are accustomed to thinking in terms of solutions are difference makers, have ownership in the organization and have a positive attitude. These are all things are highly preferable to the alternative!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Relational Currency
As I was reading about how the crowds followed Jesus in Mark 1, I wondered what we as his followers have to offer people so that they want to follow us. The context of the passage seems to imply that the draw was two-fold. First, they were curious because of the unique nature of his teaching. Jesus' approach to the religious crowd was very unlike his contemporaries. He did not quote other teachers or quibble about secondary issues. Instead, he focused on God's overarching meta narrative of redemption and freedom from seemingly inescapable circumstances of fear and oppression by religion and demons. Second, he displayed the power behind his teaching by actually healing the demonized and lepers. This was an impossible task apart from the supernatural ability of God.
On to us...
What do we have, in Jesus, that the religious and non-religious, don't? I make the following suggestions. First, in Jesus, we have a holy dissatisfaction with the business as usual, get by, maintainence mentality. Religion is dead (another blog for another day) and relationships are in. Empty tradition is out, adventure is where it's at. Lifeless church going is boring, exciting experiences are attractive. People, particularly young adults and teens, are starving to death for relationships, adventure and excitement. We, as Jesus followers, have access to all these things. We have reconciliation with God and each other (relationships). There is a great mission that is risky and downright insane that we're called to (adventure). Our leader beckons us to love him with all our mind, body, soul, heart, etc. (excitement). The question then becomes, why do so many churches, have to create gimicks, hype, or continue to live in the past, thinking that will be effective in impacting the world?
Of course, I've got some ideas about how to do this, and I'm trying them out. But the point for all of us is to ask, "How does a life lived like Jesus look in my situation?" In faith, we must evaluate our own situations (individually and corporately) then begin to make the necessary changes to move forward. As we build relational currency with people through the avenues created by the gospel, lives will be changed.
On to us...
What do we have, in Jesus, that the religious and non-religious, don't? I make the following suggestions. First, in Jesus, we have a holy dissatisfaction with the business as usual, get by, maintainence mentality. Religion is dead (another blog for another day) and relationships are in. Empty tradition is out, adventure is where it's at. Lifeless church going is boring, exciting experiences are attractive. People, particularly young adults and teens, are starving to death for relationships, adventure and excitement. We, as Jesus followers, have access to all these things. We have reconciliation with God and each other (relationships). There is a great mission that is risky and downright insane that we're called to (adventure). Our leader beckons us to love him with all our mind, body, soul, heart, etc. (excitement). The question then becomes, why do so many churches, have to create gimicks, hype, or continue to live in the past, thinking that will be effective in impacting the world?
Of course, I've got some ideas about how to do this, and I'm trying them out. But the point for all of us is to ask, "How does a life lived like Jesus look in my situation?" In faith, we must evaluate our own situations (individually and corporately) then begin to make the necessary changes to move forward. As we build relational currency with people through the avenues created by the gospel, lives will be changed.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
A True Companion
Today is my wife's birthday so, I thought I'd write down a few of the things about her that make her special. First, Shayla is undeniably honest about her feelings. Even though this sometimes gets her in trouble, I think it to be a valuable trait. I never have to wonder what she's feeling. For a guy who's pretty thick, that's helpful. She is always authentic and never puts on masks and is absolutely never fake.
Second, Shayla is very intelligent. She has great critical thinking skills which enable her to cut through the crap when it comes to arguments and situations. Many of you know that she was the valedictorian of her HS class and finished college in less than 3.5 years before the times of dual credit in HS. This was just the beginning of her display of intelligence... you should hear our disagreements. I have spent years and thousands of dollars equipping myself with degrees in things like upper level philosophy classes only to be outdone by her superior intellect.
Third, Shayla is a particularly good judge of character. In 12 years of marriage and 5 years of dating, I have never known her to be wrong about a person's true self. As someone who's job involves dealing directly with people on a daily basis, she has been a help to me more than a few times. I have also suffered the result of thinking I was better at this than she is.
Fourth, Shayla is very compassionate and caring. Because of her ability to really see people, she has a very keen awareness of their thought processes. She regularly puts herself in other people's shoes and even when they're wrong, she has the ability to lovingly help them take responsibility. She is an excellent counselor.
Fifth, Shayla loves sacrificially. She has given up more for me and our kids than any of us will ever really appreciate. Every day Shayla puts her own desires and dreams on hold so that she can help me and our kids be the people we need to be. She relentlessly gives her physical and emotional self to us. She has persevered through poverty, depression, and my horrible gas.
Sixth, Shayla loves truth, justice and mercy. She appreciates frank conversation and doing what is right, especially towards others. She despises phony platitudes, superficiality and shallow relationships. Her preference is for authenticity, honesty, and compassion.
Lastly, Shayla continues to grow. She is always looking for ways to improve herself. She has an inspiring tenacity and a holy dissatisfaction with the status quo, which I love! Shayla values progress and embodies that herself.
In the words of Jack Nicholson, Shayla makes "me want to be a better man." And for that, I am truly grateful to God. Shayla is an example to others how to love Jesus by embracing a sacrificial lifestyle of self-denial so you can truly live. That is what makes her an unmistakeably beautiful person. Please join me in wishing her a Happy Birthday!
Second, Shayla is very intelligent. She has great critical thinking skills which enable her to cut through the crap when it comes to arguments and situations. Many of you know that she was the valedictorian of her HS class and finished college in less than 3.5 years before the times of dual credit in HS. This was just the beginning of her display of intelligence... you should hear our disagreements. I have spent years and thousands of dollars equipping myself with degrees in things like upper level philosophy classes only to be outdone by her superior intellect.
Third, Shayla is a particularly good judge of character. In 12 years of marriage and 5 years of dating, I have never known her to be wrong about a person's true self. As someone who's job involves dealing directly with people on a daily basis, she has been a help to me more than a few times. I have also suffered the result of thinking I was better at this than she is.
Fourth, Shayla is very compassionate and caring. Because of her ability to really see people, she has a very keen awareness of their thought processes. She regularly puts herself in other people's shoes and even when they're wrong, she has the ability to lovingly help them take responsibility. She is an excellent counselor.
Fifth, Shayla loves sacrificially. She has given up more for me and our kids than any of us will ever really appreciate. Every day Shayla puts her own desires and dreams on hold so that she can help me and our kids be the people we need to be. She relentlessly gives her physical and emotional self to us. She has persevered through poverty, depression, and my horrible gas.
Sixth, Shayla loves truth, justice and mercy. She appreciates frank conversation and doing what is right, especially towards others. She despises phony platitudes, superficiality and shallow relationships. Her preference is for authenticity, honesty, and compassion.
Lastly, Shayla continues to grow. She is always looking for ways to improve herself. She has an inspiring tenacity and a holy dissatisfaction with the status quo, which I love! Shayla values progress and embodies that herself.
In the words of Jack Nicholson, Shayla makes "me want to be a better man." And for that, I am truly grateful to God. Shayla is an example to others how to love Jesus by embracing a sacrificial lifestyle of self-denial so you can truly live. That is what makes her an unmistakeably beautiful person. Please join me in wishing her a Happy Birthday!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
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